Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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