have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize