Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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