In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
