Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
