I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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