There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
