it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
