You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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