meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
