All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
