Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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