I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
