u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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