What did we do last night that was yellow?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
