So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
