Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
