doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
