I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
