I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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