Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
