what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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