God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
