Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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