Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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