I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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