Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
