Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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