She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
