That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
