his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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