i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
