i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
