what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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