What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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