i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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