john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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