I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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