I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
