you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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