Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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