so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
