Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
