after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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