Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
