Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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