The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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