We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
as a side note pls kill me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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