Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
