we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
