then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
