Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How external is "for external use only"?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
