don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
