I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
