Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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