I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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