He uses pillows to masturbate.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
