Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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