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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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