Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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