I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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