Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
