she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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