wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
