Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
