My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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