She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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