He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
