I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
