she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
