if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
