the day after is always just damage control
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
