i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
