I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We are all done wearing pants today
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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