that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
