he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
