Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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