good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
